Miguel 0:00
For today let's talk about boarding schools and generational trauma. So I just wanted to give all of you who are listening a heads up that these are going to be the things that we are going to discuss today and we are sending our love and healing energy to be with you during this time whether you choose to listen or not. . And we love you very much.
Well, everything is getting closer. Today I have a great story for you. We're traveling to my dear Mexico, on the Yucatan Peninsula, and I'm going to tell you a story about these two brothers. One is called Kinich and the other Tizic. Kinich had a kind and gentle heart, and his brother Tizic couldn't be more different: he was cruel and violent. And one day these two brothers fell in love with a girl who had a great sense of comedy and could do intricate math in her head and was probably pretty too, but I digress. These two brothers fought to the death for the love of this girl, and both died. After death, their souls entered two trees: the Chaca tree and the Chechen tree. Kinich, the kind and meek brother, became the Chaca tree, whose sap is still used today for medicinal and curative purposes. Tizic, the cruel and violent brother, has entered the Chechen tree, and its sap is considered a toxic poison and will literally burn your skin. It's so interesting that these two brothers from the same family can carry both the sting and the relief. This concept of itch and relief is an indigenous principle known to many indigenous communities for centuries: that in nature, poison or sting is often very close to antidote, cure or balm. And today we're going to talk about spots and bumps on our own family history trees.
Mija 2:11
You are listening to the podcast LDS Living, Love Your Lineage: An Unashamed, Multifaceted Approach to Family History. I am mine
Miguel 2:19
And I'm Michele. And we want to help you find her place and regain her place in your family history.
Mija 2:27
Thank you Michelle for sharing your story. I love the story because it embodies this concept that we want to emphasize today in our episode about pain and poison or sting and relief in our family history. And as we've discussed in several episodes, we've discussed this concept of generational trauma, this trauma can be passed down from generation to generation. But we want to emphasize the hope that is within everyone's reach, that relief is there and that healing can often be found in the same tree or trees close together, as in Michelle's story.
Miguel 3:09
Yes, Mia. And the last time we spoke with Dr. Oops, he talked about different tools and what they look like. But today, in our genealogy work, we're really going to focus on relief and what it might look like.
Mija 3:20
We are delighted to have our special guest, Jalynne Geddes, with us today, who has some great insights, experiences and heartfelt stories that we would love to hear from her today, embracing this concept of pain and relief. Jalynne, welcome to our show.
3:38
Thank you very much.
Miguel 3:39
In fact, we've known each other for some time. But this is the first time we're physically in the same room together and I can feel the flash and I'm really excited.
3:48
I know. My mind hardly even likes it. I'm so thrilled.
Miguel 3:52
We'd love to hear more about who you are professionally, and then your family history. could you share this with us
3:59
Yes I would like that. I am from Beardy's and Okemasis' is a Cree nation and is a reservation in Saskatchewan, Canada. And I currently live in Portland, Oregon. I moved here in 2011 to study and met my husband in 2012. We got married in 2013. We have two wonderful children: Desmond Nikamowin and Winifred Mahikanis Kari. I am an artist. I do math, hopefully imbued with my Néhiyaw sensibility. And Néhiyaw is what we call ourselves. Cree is the name the settlers gave us, but we refer to ourselves as Néhiyaw, so I hope to bring my Néhiyaw sensibility to my work, and it's work I do for everyone. I used to work in accounting, my background is also in tourism. So I did a lot of things before committing to my art, and that's what I feel most called to do.
Miguel 4:58
And I just want to say that your beadwork is steeped in your family history. It's so beautiful and touching. And I love seeing you on Instagram, the creative process and the development of your projects and just sharing your thoughts. And this whole community is just beautiful. so happy, but it's so interesting to have someone who was like a former accountant and an artist, because you just don't think of the two together.
5:27
Oh, I mean, obviously it wasn't for accounting. now we know
Miguel 5:33
You told us a little bit about your family history. But yeah, you grew up in Canada your whole life?
5:40
Yes. Then I could tell you more about it. Yes. So I grew up like I said, Beardy's and Okemasis' are Cree Nation, that's the reservation I come from, and it's a beautiful childhood. This is the reservation where my dad comes from and my mom is from a reservation called James Smith, Cree Nation. And the same tribe, we're all Néhiyaw, but their reservations are an hour and a half apart.
Miguel 6:03
How did your parents meet?
jalynne 6:05
They met at a powwow and I think he really shared that, I think on a podcast or in an article for LDS Living, I think as soon as he saw her he fell in love with her. And they've been together for 45 years I think. 45+ years. OK yes
Miguel 6:27
And his mother? Was she like that? He is well.
Jalynné 6:31
No, I think it's fair to say it was love for both of us. Absolutely. But actually they had contacts before that because they sent my mother to St. Michael's Residential School. And she was there with my father's brothers. And then she met my dad's brothers before she met my dad. And there's this kind of crossover, they met at a beautiful cultural celebration. But like most family histories and many communities like ours, they had this trauma layered on top. He got to know a lot about his family through the rooms; They were sent to the same place. They were stolen from the same place I must say.
Miguel 7:14 See More
Thank you for sharing it. And, you know, in 2021, I think a lot of us are starting to hear about boarding schools outside of indigenous communities. Maybe a lot of people don't know, I'm really grateful that you're here today and we're going to talk a little bit about this because it's definitely trauma. It's definitely a sting. And it's definitely part of the family history. I think, you know, as Indigenous women, I am Indigenous, you and also Miya, when the news came out that the body count was starting to rise in 2021, it got us thinking about our family history and our ancestors. And we like to think of family history as recipes and dancing and fun, and what it is is also a very difficult and dramatic thing to think about.
percent 8:07
I would like to ask a question. ACCORDINGLY. So Jalynne, I would be interested, how did you get involved with family history? Or when your ancestors first introduced you to this learning concept? When does this happen?
Jalynne 8:23
When I entered this world, I felt like. I feel like there was never a moment in my life when I didn't realize how important our ancestors are because of my parents. We grew up knowing what happened to my mother who was stolen and taken to the dorms. We grew up knowing where our last name came from. Michael is obviously not our real last name. I think my great-great-grandfather's name was Michael Bighead, and when he died, one of his wishes was that we adopt his name as our last name. I don't think it was meant to be an assimilator, but it would help us assimilate better and be more accepted in society if we didn't have the name Bighead, which would be more identifiable as the last name Néhiyaw Cree, which is the English translation of our last name Mikstikwanis, that doesn't mean the size of your head; means he was an important figure in the community. And so, Mikstikwanis is our real surname. I feel like I only came into the world because I knew my ancestors touched me because I always knew the story of my last name. I always knew my mother's story. I always knew the history of my grandparents. And so I feel like I came into this world to love and get to know my family that maybe I didn't even know.
Miguel 9:55
Great. Thank you for sharing it. I love listening to indigenous languages. And that was really good. Thank you very much. For today's episode, we may have more questions than answers. But I think if we ask questions it will help us find answers. And one of the first things I thought, what is pain relief, is it possible to passively process grief and trauma? Because I've been trying to think about how I process pain and trauma. At the time of this recording, it's June 2022 and Miya and I have been talking about the last month of filming and a lot of really, really heavy stuff. How do we process trauma, past trauma, present trauma? How do we process this? And I thought about my ancestors, how they process trauma. And I thought most of it was pretty passive. In my own family there was a lot of alcohol that was used to get us through difficult times. But is it possible to process trauma passively?
Jalynne 11:10
I think if you look at the world that we've created, there's a lot of evidence that the things that we passively try to do are socially damaging to us. And that's why I think it's impossible to be passive in the things we need to be active in. And that's something that we talk about in my family because we're a very open family. And we talk about the hard stuff. And we're always dealing with boarding schools, with discovering more and more graves of young children, and we're talking more and more about the abuse that my mother suffered, that my grandparents suffered, my uncles and aunts. , what we are going through again is necessary because you have to go through this to heal. And if you do that passively, then it's impossible, because you're not actively involved in your own healing process and you're not actively involved in other people's healing process, and I think that's something that we need in society, to look into the healing that someone else might need and think, "I want to be an active part of their healing too."
Miguel 12:23
And I loved that you said healing that someone else might need, because I looked back, especially at my ancestors, and all the trauma and pain that they went through, and they had no way of healing that pain process. Words failed them, it was not acceptable in good society to show such feelings. And then I realized as I was sitting in the car and I went to see my therapist the other day that I'm the first person in generations to have access to therapy, to have access to language. I have a community of friends and family who love me, understand me, and with whom I can deal with these difficult things, even if they happened generations ago. And I think that's something that's really hard for us in family history because it's been so long, we're going to get through it. You know, we hear these terms all the time. But I think in this discussion, what we're talking about today, you can't pass things off passively, you can't sweep things under the rug, they're going to come out.
It reminds me of this new development in my life, panic attacks, and I've never had a problem with it and it's a new thing to deal with and I'm so much better. And I talked to my mother and she said: "My daughter, is this because of me?" Because of her trauma due to the rooms? And I said, "No. It's the world we live in." And I'm processing this intergenerational trauma in my own way and I know that everything that happened to my mom wasn't her fault. It's not my fault. And we both remain responsible for healing. And we are, I don't want to say, overwhelmed with healing. But that's our charge now and it's unfair and it broke my heart to see my mom see my pain and feel responsible for it because she's not. And that's what I think of when you know, we're thinking about intergenerational trauma and family history. It's not clean. Unpleasant. It is not. But it's there and it's ours, as I said, to take and deal with.
You know, Jalynne, we've been seeing these dorm owners for a while and it was through you that I met your parents and they are magical people. But I was wondering if you could talk a little more personally about the fact that these headlines aren't just headlines for you. This is your family's story. And when you see those headlines about these schools, what does that trigger in you or how is that part of your story?
15:25
So I was on the This Is the Gospel podcast with Corrine Leigh. And back then it used to be like that horrible discovery of all those graves. And in that podcast I mentioned that about 3,000 children died in these schools. And then a few weeks later I realized I had read a study and I thought, Wow, I said the wrong thing. It was close to 6,000. And now, with the discovery of all those graves, the number exceeds 10,000. And we only look at a small, small number of schools to watch. And so the number of graves we find will be astronomical. I don't know if we're really ready to deal with this. We already know it's there, but somehow hearing a specific number makes it more visceral and more harrowing, it's not even, right, it's just crushing, crushing. And knowing that not only did they not die, but they also didn't have to suffer what they went through, like in schools that exist, so there's so much photographic evidence of the abuses that took place in schools; There are pictures of kids with their wrists tied so their hands turn purple because they aren't walking with their right hands. We have a picture of my grandfather, Moshum Joe, with bruises on his face and scratches from a beating. My mother has stories of beatings for speaking our language. And I think one of the most immediate effects of dorms is that I don't speak my language. My mother, until recently, until that trip home a few weeks ago, my father didn't realize how much Cree, how much Néhiyaw, my mother understood. That language still lives in her. But that was a consequence of boarding school, she didn't want to speak her language and that's why I don't speak my language. You know, there's this horrible stereotype that natives are alcoholics or something. And that's a terrible cliché. But in families where this alcoholism is true, it is because of boarding schools. And these are really real things that have lived for us today, even for my generation, for my children who also don't speak your language. These are the things we're dealing with and we have to accept and move on and heal and I think we can do that, I think we can do that. It's just, you know, it's going to require the kind of work that needs all of us, not just those who went to school; take us all
Miguel 18:41
This will require generational healing. Thank you Jalynne for sharing. I just want to mention that the abuses that took place in the boarding schools included all kinds of abuse, right? physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually and culturally. I think of my Totonac ancestors. They are from Veracruz, Mexico, Cortés' point of contact, and are the first people he contacted. And then, as European colonization spread across the Americas, the bodies of children who died in Mexico, whether from disease or abuse, those bodies will likely never be found; the time has passed. And when you spoke about all the bodies, I only think of my ancestors who will never be known and it's their children who will never be known. And colonization is a very difficult thing in our family's history. And as a person of color with ancestry of color, I've heard from many people from different parts of the world that when they research their family history, they're so taken aback that it's supposed to be funny and engaging and it feels like it hit someone in the middle of the stomach. I've had people contact me on Instagram and just ask, 'What's going on? I did not expect it. What is it?" And I think the reason we have this podcast and the reason we talk about these things is so people know that it's a normal part of genealogy work. That poignant part is a normal part of history It doesn't always have to be positive or sunny. And when we address the sting and the trauma, we come to healing, and maybe no one in our family has addressed this before. And like you said, it's our mission, our responsibility, to get that pain and help you walk that path to healing. And it's not going to happen in one experience, it's a process and it's an honor to be in this position to offer that, and it reminds me of the Savior and His willingness to help us heal. And I know that when I feel the pain of family history, I think of Jesus Christ and how honored I am to be a part of this process of healing my family for my deceased relatives.
Mija 21:14
And just to add to what you said to Michelle, the impressions that you had when Jalynne spoke, I think what really struck me as well is that Jalynne emphasizes the pain that her mother went through and the trauma that she suffered, it wasn't her. . failure. And I think if we look back at our history, we recognize a lot of that. It also felt so familiar to me that sometimes this pain we can have in our history is not our ancestors fault and not ours. You may be wondering, as I've asked a few times, why? Why did this have to happen to my family? Why did this happen to the people I love? And this happened to me too? I feel everything and it brings out all these emotions, about hurt and anger and frustration. And, you know, we put this episode together on the show because we wanted to create a safe space to talk about it, because when you talk about it, as Michelle said, for some of you listening, it might even jump up, like finally on the path. Or some of us may feel stuck on the path or trying to move forward. And I don't have all the answers, and I wish I did. But I know that by addressing these things in our family history and shining a light on the pain we may have felt in silence and that our ancestors remained silent for generations, I truly believe that this is the place of relief and release that can happen. . all. And Jalynne, just for sharing this, I cannot express how much I appreciate that you are so vulnerable and willing to talk about this. Thanks.
jalynne 23:03
As you speak, it reminds me why things take so long to heal. Part of it is that there is no support, we have, as you mentioned, like we were the first generation with access to the therapy, it could have been my grandparents, or the older generation wasn't even allowed to book, they had to get permission from the local authorities and let them pass just to get out of the reserve. So we're the first generation that can actually access these kinds of resources. So they used things and they and I both know it's like you said it's very vulnerable to say hey I have to deal with this and it makes you feel like you're not good enough. Because you look around you and feel that there were so many people healed, why am I not healed? And I have the savior because I'm still not healed and something I have a testimony is that in this life we are placed on the path of healing. And sometimes that healing doesn't come to an end. But being on the road is important, and that's okay. If you haven't completed your healing yet, why do I feel this way sometimes. Maybe I don't feel it until I feel the Redeemer's arms around me. And it's okay that I still don't feel this complete and perfect healing because I know I will. And I think that keeps me in tune with the best parts of the healing process, which is accessing the joy and being able to function, sometimes knowing that you will receive that healing.
Miguel 24:48
Family research is so sacred. Returning our hearts to our ancestors is so sacred, I hope listening to it makes you feel seen. We just want to suggest that passive trauma is very real in family history. Survivor's guilt in family history work is very real. There is so much pain in genealogy work. And if someone asks you, why don't you do your family history? It's like, I don't want to deal with all the pain. And if that's you, I want you to know that there is also a cure in the same familiar research. So let's talk a little more about that.
Mija 25:28
From experience with my own family history and trying to help clients with their family history, I know that there is an overwhelming belief that it's okay not to talk about it. Healing or not happened. But the question arises, and when we talk about trauma, why should we? Does it really matter to do this? Is it important to help us heal? Is this useful? Because I cried all the time. I don't like to cry a lot, but I cry all the time. It's not always the most pleasant thing to do. I prefer to laugh. But is it necessary to go through these types of emotions when talking about trauma in order to heal?
26:17
When you talk about it, I thought when you meet someone, the first thing you do is introduce yourself by name. And when you know each other's name, you find each other and become friends. And to be honest, I get the feeling that sometimes you have to make friends with your pain, because it's not bad. It could be a symbol of the love you had for what you lost, such as: We all lose loved ones. But when you know your trauma, it's the only way to get through it, you have to name it, know it and get through it, then it becomes less passive and more active.
Miguel 26:57
This is incredible. Thank you Jalynne for sharing this naming abuse and trauma. Sometimes that means we also name the perpetrator, the family person. And I know that in many families it is very delicate to talk about it. In other words, abusers, in any kind of abuse situation that has run through our family lineage. But I often think that if we push the abuser, the abuse and the trauma into the dark closet, we are also pushing the survivor. And I think we forget that we're all here today because the survivor chose to move on, the survivor chose to keep loving, the survivor chose to walk a better path. And so, by recognizing and naming the abuse, let's recognize the survivors. And the strength they gave us to continue surviving and overcoming.
Mija 27:53
I think addressing the trauma in our history helps us be more empathetic with ourselves and with everyone else, because we realize that this concept of trauma in the family history generates much more mutual belonging. I like that we have to go through traumas, don't you? But it gives us a chance to connect. And I think connection actually creates healing. That's probably one of the reasons I'm a genealogist, because I know that connecting with your ancestors unlocks all that power, especially the healing power for you and future generations. I also want to emphasize that when you spoke of the abuser and the abused, I was sincerely thinking of the atonement of Jesus Christ, that if we took away the abuse he was going through, if we were silent about his empathy, his love for all of us and for our families that have gone through pain and trauma. I can't imagine taking that away from him. Because it helped him know how he should feel about us and with us. He is going to live with us because of the pain he felt. And so there is the greatest empathy for the greatest pain I have ever felt. I think that's why we have to talk about these things. Because it helps us remember and love stronger than we loved before.
jalynne 29:33
Amen. And it is a testimony of his words, as if I felt myself seen by the Savior and I felt as if I could see him, and we were bound together by this sacred bond, and his words are true if I but testify of it.
Miguel 29:52 See More
Something someone once said to me that I want to tell you all is that if you have bullies in your family history, it's tough. And you are not ready for forgiveness and you are not healed. He is well. And Jesus Christ is also someone that you can give these family members to God, give them to God and let him hold them and take care of them. And it's not because you need to come to some feeling, forgiveness or resolution that these family members are being tough. And while they're part of your family tree, they don't have to be the center of attention. You don't have to deal with them. If you need to create secure borders with these ancestors, that's fine too.
30:41
This is a good reminder that in healing, forgiveness is indeed necessary. But borders are like we don't talk about borders enough. These are valid integral parts of the healing process.
Miguel 30:55
Yes. And so, like the dead, my friend, I have certain ancestors that I will never attract. I recognize that they are in my family history. I recognize who they are. But he's not someone I want to constantly feel connected to and grow closer to. And those places are reserved for my wild ancestors and my wonderful sane ancestors. We talk about, you know, beyond the veil, this life and then the next life, and I think there are ancestors who get better on the other side of the veil and there are ancestors who don't yet, and we don't. . You don't need to be around those who haven't been healed yet. Maybe when they're ready, and we're ready, there will be a time when we can come together. But I really believe that God will help us through these difficult things.
31:46
I love this conversation, we're talking about the other side of the veil, but doesn't it feel close?
Miguel 31:52 See More
And just as real as why we love our souls, right?
Mija 31:59
Always connected. And again, as we were talking about this, one of the questions that came to mind was that we hear a lot about collect, collect, unite. And I've noticed this pattern of collecting, of things popping up all the time. For example, at family parties. Normally, when I meet my brothers, there are five of us, we laugh a lot, have a lot of fun, but then things come up that we really didn't want to talk about, you know, not only in my family, but in other family gatherings, I've seen difficult moments arise related to your childhood or to the trauma and it made me wonder what it is that brings these things to the fore in the collection and not just the physical collection on this side of the veil. I mean get to know the other side too. There has to be a connection to the meeting, and for the prophet, President Nelson, to tell us to come together, I think it's more than just coming together and being one, it has to be more than that. Because at the meeting things get better, but then there is the opportunity to heal and soften the stitches and relieve the pain. And I wonder if you have any ideas about that.
Miguel 33:13 See More
My God, I have thoughts. As you were talking I had this image in my head of how the heart spins, how spinning is an action word, flipping something and messing it up and turning it into a process and it's not always going to be pretty. So I think maybe that's part of genealogy work, and the gathering is uncovering the truths, uncovering the trauma, uncovering the healing, and bringing it all to the fore so that maybe we can all heal together and then come together, so that's what It is. , so our hearts are united after this process, but uniting hearts cannot be united without work, right?
Mija 33:55
Y.
33:55
Wow. It made me think of when we were recently up north visiting family and we went to what is called the Nehiyawêwin camp. Nêhiyawêwin is our word for our language Néhiyawêwin is our word for us as a people and Nêhiyawêwin is our word for our language and part of our healing process in my community is trying to recover what was taken from us, what it was stolen from us. My booking was for a week long camp where we could bring this practice back and it was so good to be immersed in the language and they deliberately held this Nêhiyawêwin camp on the grounds of St Michael's Residential School. I don't want to say too much about what happened there. It was very sacred. But I wanted to share that they mentioned that it was very intentional because they wanted to reclaim the place where so much damage was done. They wanted to make it a turning point for us and when we talked about reunions I kept thinking about what it's like to meet there, we were literally reunited in a place that in the history of our family was one of the most profound. The pain came with the deeper damage. . All of us there, most of us there, were primarily English speakers at first because of that trauma. And we've gathered there and made it such a sacred place. And I get the feeling that's the case when you think of Stinging Relief, as if it's the living embodiment of being in our poignant and artistic relief at the same time. And I felt so much healing, I felt so much emotion and so much joy. And what would you have thought, you know, being in the shoes of such a place. The only other place I felt I could feel this kind of healing was in the temple. I feel like this is just a testament to the breadth of Christ. We weren't necessarily like a brotherhood because of the damage done by Christianity as a whole. I don't know if we mentioned that on the podcast. But domestic schools were run in conjunction with the government and the Christian faith, and especially the Catholic Church. But you know, it wasn't just the Catholic Church, it was Christianity. And so my congregation now harbors a deep distrust of Christianity. And I feel like I'm very careful about talking about my faith in my community because I don't want to hurt them. I want them to have access to healing, not damage. And I can read the room, I guess I'd like to say, but to me it was a testament to the expansion of His love in my life that we weren't necessarily gathered there in His name. But he was with me. And I think that's why it's so important for us to come together, talk, talk about the hard stuff so that we can get through this together. And that's exactly what a healing explosion can happen, because that's what happened, there was an explosion for me. And I'm in the process of processing it. But I left a better person behind because of it.
Miguel 37:20 See More
What a beautiful and hopeful message. This is a perfect example of pain and relief in family history. Thank you Jalynne for sharing with us. And I hope this example gives each of you hope for healing.
Mija 37:38
So I know that some of our viewers who are listening feel that they have seen or felt the pain in their family history. But you don't really have a community or a place to gather. I want you to know that we see you, we hear you and we feel you. But I want to bring this up for discussion between us right now. If these are our circumstances, if no one is willing to listen to us when we talk about trauma in our family history or make room for us, then what do we do? How can we deal with this?
Miguel 38:14 See More
This is a profound question. And unfortunately, I think that's a common question that's really, really relevant to a lot of people that I've talked to and, I mean, I think that's one of the reasons why we've done this podcast again, because it seems like there's no place for those discussions that will take place. There are no safe places or people who have the vocabulary or understand its depths. And that's why we're creating this space. I think to myself, you know, I'm an only child, I don't have siblings to share things with. Many of my indigenous ancestors were very distant from me, not only linguistically, but also spatially and temporally. So for me there is a feeling of loneliness, and doing my genealogy work is loneliness. Nobody cares about these things anymore. But I went to a therapist and was able to help process it through therapy. And then social media. I know that social networks have many evils. But it's also a huge relief to find a community and to find people who can understand and validate my family history. I am so grateful to be in the room with two of my friends to see me and validate my family history struggles. So I love you both very much. We love you.
Mija 39:37
I think they're so good. This is a good place to start. Get therapy, seek help from a trusted professional and then make connections through social media. That's how I found them through social media.
Miguel 39:53 See More
And it looks so crazy. You think it's family things that have to stay in the family. Don't talk to anyone about it. It's like a deep root in us, isn't it? Yes, but nobody in the family wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to sue. No one wants to address these things. And that's okay. I think Dr. LaShawn talked about how everyone in our family has a role to play in our previous episode. And maybe their part is holding on to some of the pain of trauma because they think they're saving future generations. And maybe it's our job in our family history to process it and address it and resolve it. So, as I mentioned, we're not going to ship that to the next generation, there's room for all of us.
jalynne 40:34
As we talked, I kept thinking about how we met on social media and how we mentioned that the healer often becomes the person who needs healing, that's her job if you will. But it shouldn't always just be your responsibility, it should be like a community responsibility. And when you were talking about how we all met on social media and that there are some people who don't have a community, who don't have a family, who are adopted, who are trying to find their roots, which I remember where we are, we should be responsible also for finding these people and becoming a person who can commune with them as they search. There are so many ways people can connect, how we share traumas or shared experiences and what we can do, especially as disciples of Christ who want to follow him, we can become the kind of people who want to be a Companion to someone in need of healing and we can help you. And I want this. That's what I felt validated in myself when those two spoke, that I want to be the kind of person that when somebody needs companionship, when somebody needs a helping hand, when somebody needs an arm, we can hold those people. they can be kept because we love them as Christ loves us.
Mija 41:55
Wow. So therapy, social media, and also being that community for someone else.
Miguel 42:07
A lot of what we talk about is traumatic bonding, which is not the healthiest thing to do. And you know, on social media you have to find the right people because we also want to be safe in our online communities. So I just want to mention this.
42:23
So when we talk about trauma, attachment, one thing that I think for me only differentiates attachment from trauma is when we are aware that we are on a healing path. And I feel like when we say I want to heal, as sometimes you have to say to yourself and say to Heavenly Father to God, that doesn't automatically become a traumatic bond, it becomes a healing bond, it becomes a journey . heal together.
Miguel 42:55 See More
It makes me think that there is a difference between traumatic bonding and grieving with those who are suffering. Yes yes. OK. So we talk about grief with those who have more of that kind of attachment to Christ. It's okay, I don't know about you. But that conversation was so healing just having it, just being out there. I hope you all take this point and relief concept seriously. And know that there is not only pain, there is healing. And it's not just processing, we can also dance and enjoy music, food, beadwork and art, and celebrate many of the wonderful things that come with our cultures and family histories. And when we bring it all together in this multifaceted view of family history, it's truly liberating and glorious. I will share this last quote. Elder Patrick Kearon gave this wonderful talk on trauma at a recent conference. And I'll just put his family in the shoes of personally, but he says, "Please know that the Savior came down under all things, including what happened to [your family], what shame feels like, and what it feels like to be abandoned and broken. From the depths of His atoning suffering, the Savior imparts the hope you thought was lost forever, the strength you thought you could never possess, and the healing you never thought possible.This applies to each of our families. This thought from Elder Patrick Kearon.
Mija 44:31
I want to share a quote from a woman I love and admire so much, Sister Chieko Okazaki. And that's what she had to say. And like Michelle, I will put our families in her place. "He doesn't expect [our families] to be perfect. Perfect [families] don't need a savior. He came to save [families] in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. No, he is ashamed, angry with us or surprised. He wants us in our brokenness, in our adversity, in our guilt and in our pain." And I just want to add to Sister Okazaki's testimony that I know that the Savior's entire mission is, for every form and every type of tree and family that exists, past, present, and future, to be here. And I know that as hard as it is to face the sting or feel the pain, it is part of our mortal existence and experience here. But more importantly, this need not really define who we are as eternal children of our loving Heavenly Father and Mother. And most importantly, we must come together in love and unity and have our hearts transformed and transformed as individuals and as a family so that we can access the healing power the Savior has in store for each of us. But even more important for our families.
Michelle 46:10
Wow, Mia. Thank you very much. And that's the end of our episode. It was amazing. Thanks Jalynne for everything you shared with us. And thank you all for being with us. Let's go get some tacos. Yes.
Mija 46:26
Perfect.
Thank you for joining us on this episode of Love Your Lineage. For all references and the full transcript of this episode, see our show notes at ldsliving.com/loveyourlineage. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review or rating.
Miguel 46:48 See More
This episode was hosted by Michelle, Miya and me. It was produced and edited by Erica Free and Katie Lambert and mixed by Mix at 6 Studios. Thank you for being with us today and we hope you feel empowered to love your lineage and embrace your authentic family history.
View more